Sunday November 27th

I was unable to go to church today but I did watch some sermons on tv.

I started on my closet but got overwhelmed by how much I have to do.  I will get everything done when I get my pain pills. Hopefully.

So far, I am keeping my bipolar in check. I am doing the best I can.

Saturday November 26th

Saw my mom today. She is still mad at me but she will get over it.

Friday November 25

I slept pretty good last night. I am hoping today is going to be an okay day. I am sitting here at StarBucks and drinking my normal drink. I hope I have enough gas to make it to work this week. I think I do and I do have a little bit of money left to put in gas but not much.

Had a great day yesterday with my neighbors. She cooked way too much food but she gave me some to take home so I won't be starving this week at least.

I saw my mom again yesterday. I hate how old she is looking. I am going to go see her again and spend a lot more time with her today.

I am trying to keep my bipolar in check. I think that I have a handle on my feelings and my emotions and I can tell when I am getting triggered into depression and into mania which is good. As long as I am able to recognize that and stop it in it tracks then I am good to go.

I am going to get at least one closet organized today. I have to.

Thanksgiving

Today has been an awesome day. I spent the day with my neighbors and had dinner with them. I got to see my mom which is awesome. What a wonderful day.

Wednesday evening

I actually did something with someone today. My neighbor invited me for lunch at the convention center and I went! That is a huge change for me. I never do anything with anybody. For me to go out and be social is a big change for me. I actually enjoyed myself today. I got to visit with my mom also. I guess she must have missed me. either that or she is lonely in the hospital and misses someone telling her that they love her. She knows I love her even though I don't always do right by her. I am trying to put the past behind me and get over the fact that she abused me when I was a child.

Tuesday November 22

I slept pretty good last night. I hope today is going to be a good day. I really need to get my bills together. I am going to try and make payment arrangements for my verizon and my cnm bill. I know there is nothing I can do about my phone bill. I will make a payment when I have the money. But I can't let my cell phone get turned off because I have no phone otherwise. I also really need to get my cnm bill paid as soon as possible.
I am going over to sesas for thanksgiving and that will be nice.

Girl in Translation-book review

This was an amazing book. The story about a young immigrant girl from China. She wants to assimilate with Americans but at the same time does not want to disappoint her mother by straying too far from her roots. How she appeases both is the premise of this book.
I really enjoyed this book. The protagonist of the story, Kimberly, is a wonderful girl. She is very close to her ;mother and yet she is able to assert her own identity and life.

A must read!

Sunday November 20th

Today was an okay day. I got up with a migraine. I went to starbucks and used my computer. I am so frustrated that I don't have internet. Hopefully I can get something for my computer and get hooked up to wi-fi through my neighbors wi-fi.

Saturday November 19th

I am so frustrated that I don't have internet but I am getting my reading done. I still have over 30 books checked out from the library-that is insane but I do plan on reading them all.  I should be done with one book today, I hope. We will see.

My boss told me yesterday that it was nice to have me at work. She asked me if I was taking my meds and asked me how my feelings were. I did share with her that I am doing a lot of work on identifying my feelings and working in a bipolar workbook. Hopefully that will help. I am so glad that she is so understanding. I am going to try and write more later.

Friday November 18

I am so tired today. I am going to try and go to bed a little later tonight than I did last night. No more going to bed so early cuz then I wake up too early. I was up at 1 in the morning and up the rest of the night. That is crazy and I am so tired.

life

I can't believe I have to use the computer at school. I am definitely learning patience by not having my computer. I did get to read my book last night which was great. I am sure that my cable is the next to get cut off-that or my cell phone. We will see what happens. I hope that everything works out but I just have to trust in God that everything will work out and not depend on myself.  I am going to go to the library and use my laptop there so that at least I get some "me" time in today.

triggers

I have some major triggers going on here. My phone got cut off and also my internet. I am trying really hard not to hurt myself but I want to so badlly! I am so frustrated I can't stand it. Maybe the library has wi-fi if not I can go to starbucks but I don't have money to buy anything. I wonder if they will get mad. I hope not.

November 16-Wednesday

I am going to try and not smoke today since tomorrow is the smoke out. Lets see how far I make it today. Hopefully most of the day.

I do have a doctors appointment today after work but I am hoping to get my dished done at least. If I accomplish nothing else but that, it will be a good day.

I am out of my abilify-good thing it is free.

Things at work are better. Hopefully I can prove myself and I will be trusted again.

November 15th-evening

I guess things can get worse. Now my cell phone may be cut off. I am going to have to call them and make payment arrangements.

Today was not a very productive day. I did see my EAP counselor. She was nice. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow.

I am going to try and quit smoking. My lungs are killing me. I don't know whether I am sick or have allergies. I feel like crap.

today-11/15/11

I actually slept pretty good last night. I was surprised when I woke up that I slept so well.

I would like to get some things done today but I am not sure I will.

My mom is in the hospital and no one called me to tell me. I know she doesn't want to talk to me so I don't know what to do.

I will write more later.

today

Today could have been better and it could have been worse. The worst of it was when I received a disconnect notice for my phone. Don't have the money to pay for it. My mom was helping me but I guess she either forgot to pay for it or she is not going to. I can make payment arrangements so I guess I shouldn't worry. I just want to make sure that my internet is not shut off. Maybe I will cancel the phone and just keep the internet. I need it for my class next semester. It is an online class.

I did get something done. I did work in my bipolar workbook today and journal. I guess blogging is a way of journaling also.

It was somewhat of a productive day at work. I am suppose to escort a girl to class. She has a problem ditching. Unfortunately, when I went to the classes to get her, she was ditching lol.

Otherwise, it was a pretty good day.

Schedule for tomorrow

7:30-2:30: work
3:45- doctors appointment

To do:

Clean off bookcase in bedroom

That is all I have for tomorrow. Just one thing a day is good. I am not worried about exercising since I walk so much at work.

today

Well, I didn't walk for 30 minutes or clean out my closet. I was just not feeling well today at all. Overtired and sick, not a good combination.

Tomorrow hopefully will be better. I don't expect to get much done in the house since I have to work and I have a doctors appointment after work. Then I have to come home and try and relax a little. My neighbor girls came over tonight. I don't mind but it is so sad that they are sent to my house just so their mom can get some alone time. Didn't even feed them dinner-I did.

In any case, I need to get something done tomorrow.

Footprints in my life journey

I have started a bipolar workbook. It is a thirty day workbook that helps me get through each day. I am going to log each day on my blog.

Day One-(Morning work)

I have been given a great gift today! The gift is my ability to open my eyes to a new day. A chance to follow my footprints from yesterday, vary my footprints from yesterday or go in a whole new direction today. What path will I choose?

I remembered my medication
This morning I feel: overwhelmed, withdrawn, quiet.

I am going to eat three healthy meals today and three healthy snacks.
I will drink six 8 oz glasses of water today
I will meditate on a positive thought, scripture or other meditation today.
I am going to take a 30 minute walk today.
I am going to read today
I am going to go to bed at a reasonable hour
I will clean one of my closets

I will spend some extra time with my cats

to do list for Sunday November 13th

write in journal
work in bipolar workbook
walk thirty minutes
clean out closet`

I am number four

This was a really good book. I don't get into si-fi books that much but this was completely different than your regular sci-fi. At first I thought that another book about aliens who come to take over the earth and someone out to save the earth, would be completely cliche. I was surprisingly taken by surprise that this was not your typical alien story. You find yourself lost in the book, rooting for the protagonist in a different was than normal. Number four is a boy who is so completely stuck in a way that no other is. He is caught between two worlds, literally. Does he run from who he is and who he is destined to become and stay in his earthly world, complete with the drama it entails. Or, does he embrace what he truly is and live his life isolated and alone.
A must-read!

frustration

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and frustrated right now. I know I need to clean up my apartment but I don't know where to begin. I should probably wait until I have had more sleep. I am overtired that's all.

to read books

OMG-I have over 2000 books on my to-read list on goodreads. I had better start reading! I have to stop checking in with all the groups I belong to because every time I do, they have new books up that I want to read so I add those! I think my currently reading is 8 books. I start school in January so that gives me a little over a month-maybe two months to read as much as I can.

now what

I am starting to get a little worried about myself. I have been trying to lose weight but in the past few days, I have not been watching what I eat. But, I have still lost weight. Almost 6 pounds in 3 days. No exercise either. Something is definitely up because that is not normal. I am also sick to my stomach all the time. Even if I take my acid reflux pills, I still get nauseous. That is just not normal.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I take the first of many skills test for teaching. I took the practice test today and bombed the math section, which I knew I would. I aced the language arts, which I also knew I would. What will I do if I fail that math again tomorrow. Oh well, I will worry about that if/when it happens. Not going to let it keep me up tonight.

My beliefs

my big guy and my missing guy

 Heathcliff-my AWOL kitty

Darby

my two new babies

learning to cope

I am finally learning how to cope with this bipolar type 2 thing. I think my meds are finally working. All this, after getting suspended for two days from work and having to drop my classes at CNM. Hopefully next semester will be better.   I don't plan on being absent from work or school. Actually I can't be absent from work anymore cuz I will get fired. I am on my last legs at work. I do hope that there are no more depression episodes. That is what really fucked me up.

I am reading "I am legend" by Richard Matheson right now.  I have 30 books checked out from the public library and 2 checked out from the school library at work.  I am going to try and finish them all before school starts in the spring and I get busy with school work.